Namaste

Feb 05, 2009

I walked up the long, familiar staircase leading to the hillside dorm. Thinking away, I somehow became aware of the woods around me. And I realized there is a world outside my thoughts that just is. An entire space free of thinking; just being. I know that I can enter into that space and it brings me solace.

I saw myself solving problems again, working out future solutions, while reading one of Vivekananda’s lectures. Settling down for the evening, I was enjoying a inspiring piece only to have my mind stilll working away. I know from experience that this thinking doesn’t actually save any time or effort. It is more an ingrained pattern than anything else; the idea that if I keep hammering it something will reveal itslef immediately so I can be free of it later. This is like trying to find a stone in a muddy pond by splashing around more vigorously. If I can just be still and let the ripples and sediments settle, all answers will be clear.

Feb 04, 2009

i listened to the humming of the water heater some 20 meters away. it was the only sound which was disturbing my peace of mind and concentration. the less i tried to think about it, the more acute its presence became. finally, it stopped. i smiled inside knowing i could now go deeper into my practice. then, i became aware of the laptop humming in the corner. it now had my full attention.

my mind seems to be searching or looking for something or another to fix itself on; almost always. the skill i would like to continue developing is to give it subtler and subtler objects of focus. how will it behave when there is nothing left to perceive?

Feb 03, 2009

the river teaches me to trust. i was cautious entering its banks yesterday, but today i came in more relaxed. and played longer. and felt it was ok.

i made a sandball out of wet sand near the bank today. i took time to pack it together, and effort in making it solid by placing it in hot, dry, white sand away from the edge. i tested it by throwing it up in the air and catching it in the palm of my hands. then i walked in knee deep, and cradled in my palms, lowered my arms until it met and descended below the water. immediately it began to dissolve and fall through the spaces between my fingers. a joy to watch; to know, that there are things which can undo all ideas, all effort, all sense of ownership.
i asked what the water represented and the sand and the current and the hands. and i felt they were the teacher and the ego and grace and the mind.

Feb 02, 2009

This evening after-dinner activity was a movie. We watched The First Australians – Episode Three. The theme of slavery came up. I felt familiar emotions arise; anger, frustration, sadness. And once those settled a bit, I found myself asking whether I am a slave or even a slave master.

I believe every event and experience has some purpose; some lesson to imbibe for self-development and self-understanding. As I listened to and watched the aboriginal leaders’ determined efforts for self-management, equality, and freedom, I acknowledged the same aspirations for myself. For I am a slave; a slave to my desires and conditionings. And to free myself I will also have to struggle and endure and do whatever I can within my skillfulness to transcend this state. And I am open to the fact that I may be treating others, people or objects as slaves, as tools, as something less than a manifestation of pure consciousness. And I must become aware of that and change my ways and be sincere in my intention to be free from slavery – from both sides.

I saw a pink frog siting sideways on the wall above the showers in the bathroom. Gravity has made a compromise with him it seems.

A valley opened up tonight, and the sky came in. One bright star in the distant showed me I was not blind.  The sand beneath my feet was soft and white and cool. I pretended I was a warrior and invited deep thoughts to flow within.

{A friend commented I seem to care a lot (too much?) about what other people think of me. I have not heard this for awhile, but think is true. }

I am glad to be back here and grateful for all.

Feb 02, 2009

Writings from Mangrove is a series of posts during my time at Mangrove Mountain, NSW. I am here in Satyananda Yoga Academy for a 3 month stay to work with the education department, gain experience teaching Satyananda style yoga, and enjoy all the natural environment and good people here have to share.

During my last two visits here, I became aware of a strong desire to express various impressions made on me at different points. This series is the manifestation of that desire. I enjoy comments and feedback regarding thoughts you may have while reading the content.

Aum

Peace