March 18th, 2009
Do you know yourself? Can you recognize yourself if your were to walk by you on the street? Or if you overheard a conversation between you and another? How?
Try this experiment:
- Sit in a comfortable position. Feel that the base of the body is supported, spine drawn upwards, shoulders relaxed, head balanced on neck.
- Take a moment to feel into the entire body; moving through it part by part if that helps.
- Then become aware of your breath. Feel it moving in and out of the nasal passages. Watch it with the attitude of an observer, as if noticing it for the first time. Don’t try and change it in any way (and don’t not try to change it either). Just let it be and watch.
- The experiment begins from this point…
- See your self in your mind. Which details show up? Can you see your body? Are you wearing clothes? Can you see your face? What color are your eyes? Does the you within the mind have density?
- Say something. Does it have a voice? Is it the same you hear when you really speak?
- Does it feel emotion?
I think we can recreate ourselves within the mind to the degree that we know really know ourselves. Like an expert potter molding clay with eyes closed; the final product product will reflect his oneness with that he is working with.
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March 5th, 2009
I hit my shin against the cross bar of my metal bicycle while dismounting. A strong sensation arose and I had to really focus to stay calm with the pain. At that moment, I asked my self, why am I recoiling rather than rejoicing? What has occurred that I register this as pain and wish these sensations to pass quickly?
What really is pain and pleasure and how do they differ? Pain seems to be what our being recognizes as harmful to us (if repeated). Clearly, there are different types of pain as well – emotional, physical, … Sometimes things that start out painful become pleasurable and vice versa.
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March 5th, 2009
How do we define intelligence? If our very senses were duped how would we respond to the environment? Is our environment more than what are senses tell us?
I think the ability to take action contrary to the information given by the senses marks superior intelligence.
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March 1st, 2009
Listened to SWAN’s advanced antar mouna last night. Realized going to toilet afterwards that I want to master or be perfect at something the very first attempt. If that fails to manifest, there is underlying tension.
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March 1st, 2009
The seed of divinity is within me. It has been planted deep and has taken time for the firsts signs to show. When my leaves are sprouting and my flowers in bloom you praise me. When my leaves are dry and fallen you blame me. I am that same tree undergoing constant change. I have seasons too. Know that I am developing always. May I have patience to see this truth in others and with others to see this in me.
Om.
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March 1st, 2009
Even when the flame dies, the concept of fire does not. The flame is a manifestation of That potential to manifest in the form of fire. In the same way, when I die, life does not cease to exist. Though I appear to be an individual, I have no individuality when it comes to life, for it shall continue when I am gone. I am really just an expression of That life potential.
What is life? Where does it go? Did it ever come into being? How do we define life?
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February 5th, 2009
Feb 05, 2009
I walked up the long, familiar staircase leading to the hillside dorm. Thinking away, I somehow became aware of the woods around me. And I realized there is a world outside my thoughts that just is. An entire space free of thinking; just being. I know that I can enter into that space and it brings me solace.
I saw myself solving problems again, working out future solutions, while reading one of Vivekananda’s lectures. Settling down for the evening, I was enjoying a inspiring piece only to have my mind stilll working away. I know from experience that this thinking doesn’t actually save any time or effort. It is more an ingrained pattern than anything else; the idea that if I keep hammering it something will reveal itslef immediately so I can be free of it later. This is like trying to find a stone in a muddy pond by splashing around more vigorously. If I can just be still and let the ripples and sediments settle, all answers will be clear.
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February 4th, 2009
Feb 04, 2009
i listened to the humming of the water heater some 20 meters away. it was the only sound which was disturbing my peace of mind and concentration. the less i tried to think about it, the more acute its presence became. finally, it stopped. i smiled inside knowing i could now go deeper into my practice. then, i became aware of the laptop humming in the corner. it now had my full attention.
my mind seems to be searching or looking for something or another to fix itself on; almost always. the skill i would like to continue developing is to give it subtler and subtler objects of focus. how will it behave when there is nothing left to perceive?
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February 3rd, 2009
Feb 03, 2009
the river teaches me to trust. i was cautious entering its banks yesterday, but today i came in more relaxed. and played longer. and felt it was ok.
i made a sandball out of wet sand near the bank today. i took time to pack it together, and effort in making it solid by placing it in hot, dry, white sand away from the edge. i tested it by throwing it up in the air and catching it in the palm of my hands. then i walked in knee deep, and cradled in my palms, lowered my arms until it met and descended below the water. immediately it began to dissolve and fall through the spaces between my fingers. a joy to watch; to know, that there are things which can undo all ideas, all effort, all sense of ownership.
i asked what the water represented and the sand and the current and the hands. and i felt they were the teacher and the ego and grace and the mind.
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February 2nd, 2009
Awareness of bones.
If you are aware of something, then you are not that thing. Then if you are aware of awareness you are not that awareness.
Strong shift in mental and physical state after eating too much decadent tea-time snack. Wonder if it is sign of vata imbalance. Skipping dinner returned me to super calm state.
Enjoyed giving karma yoga talk today. Asked everyone to look all over their bodies and find areas they can’t see; which is mostly the face and back area. For these areas mirrors are required. In the same way, our deepest attitudes towards things are reflected in our actions. When we are doing karma yoga we are constantly engaging in activity with reflective awareness. Noticing our likes and dislikes, preferences, assumptions, tendencies, …
Tomorrow I will talk about how we put on masks but need to wear only one at a time. Otherwise it will cause strain and affect our posture. In the same way, we can maintain our internal posture by wearing only one mask at a time. Today, if you are a gardener then be 100% a gardener. Same if you are a cook, electrician, computer specialist, janitor, driver, or anything else. And fully enjoy it. In karma yoga we have the opportunity to role play; to practice engaging deeply in what we’re doing and letting the results settle as they will. The trick is to fully immerse but not be attached.
Next day, refer to Gita and how karma yoga is just a process for purification. In the same way that we flush stuff down the toilet during the cleanse, in karma yoga the fruits are the effects of the cleanse. Hence we are not ineresting in them for their own sake, we are interested in purifying ourselves.
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